Don’t F*ck with the Art Department

I am an ardent Hanoi Rocks fan. Hailing from Finland of all places, they pioneered the genre that came to be loved, hated, and known as Hair Metal by melding punk, British glitter-rock, bubble-gum pop, and heavy metal into an unholy leather-pants wearing amalgamation. I am also a fan of their saxophone-wielding frontman Michael Monroe (né Matti Fagerholm) and would like to state to all seven of you reading this that I write with the greatest respect for Mr. Monroe. Finding Hanoi Rocks vinyl is not an easy task in Canada, despite essentially creating an immensely popular subgenre of rock music they never really created the sensation they deserved in North America. I have searched in vain through many “H” bins in many record stores and many times been forced to console myself by buying yet another Zeppelin bootleg (this one’s on blue vinyl).  Once in a while, though, the stars align, and I’ve managed to acquire a couple of hard-won Hanoi records including the masterpiece I refer to as Don’t Fuck with the Art Department. I discovered this gem on a trip across the border in the discount bin of a record store in Bellingham WA (being constantly broke I am a big fan of record stores with discount bins). Flipping through this particular discount bin, I was overjoyed to discover a (coverless) Hanoi Rocks picture disc. Normally I’m not really a picture disc person, but it said Hanoi Rocks on it so who am I to be picky. Side one was a fairly standard shot of a shirtless lead guitarist in mid-solo. I was thus unprepared for side two. Side two features a close-up shot of Mike Monroe’s bleached-blond head and I have to assume it was put together after an argument with the art department. Now I don’t know what Mr. Monroe did to incur the wrath of whoever designed this record, but I’m guessing he learned his lesson because the spindle hole is directly though the center of his face. It’s a bullseye between his nose and upper lip that calls to mind a botched septum piercing. Being a picture-disc the audio quality is nothing special, but for comedic value this one never deserved the discount bin.