NHL Goal Songs Suck (Less Than I Expected)

In celebration of the Vancouver Canucks not being terrible at hockey this year, I decided to listen to every goal song in current use by the NHL and discovered that most of teams spend a lot more time thinking about how to score goals than about the songs they use to celebrate them. I’m going off a list of 2023/24 season goal songs compiled by the Daily Faceoff – a list that, like many of its kind, was written by people who know about sports. I know nothing about sports, but I am highly qualified in having vehement opinions about music so let’s get into it.

The Good

Anaheim Ducks – Bro Hymn by Pennywise

Missed opportunity to buy the rights to the “Darkwing Duck” theme. Aside from that glaring oversight, this isn’t a bad goal song. It has a pretty cool bassline and its one of those “whoooOOOoooo” type choruses so no one needs to learn any words in order to get in on the celebration.

Arizona Coyotes – Howling For You by The Black Keys

Okay clearly the teams that might not be as exciting actual-hockey-wise are putting their time and energy into picking excellent goal songs. This is such a fun choice from the Coyotes, I love when the song ties into the team somehow (howling, coyotes, get it?) plus it’s so singalongable. The lyrics don’t rate particularly high on the pump-it-up scale, but its upbeat and vibe-y enough that I’m still into it.

Carolina Hurricanes – Raise up by Petey Pablo

First off, Petey Pablo is actually from Carolina so we love to see that – and he addresses the first verse of the song to his home state so I’d imagine the Carolina folk get hyped for this one. It clearly has a lot of meaning for the state, it’s a uniquely hip-hop-y song for this league and the fans apparently love it – good job Hurricanes.

Chicago Blackhawks – Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis

I like this one, especially because it doesn’t have that “overdone sports song” vibe going on. The team has been using this for a while and it’s become one of the most iconic goal songs in the entire league - every clip I could find of the Blackhawks uses this as background music (goal or not!) and the fans always seem to be loving it. It’s not necessarily what you’d expect, but it’s all the better for it because it’s not already associated with another sport, team, or sports-related video game. Add to that how much fun this tune is and you have a recipe for a totally sick goal song, plus that  “do do do” chorus is extremely catchy and singalongable.

Columbus Blue Jackets – For Those About to Rock by ACDC/The Whip by Locksley

Fun fact: I am occasionally interested in the NHL’s Western Conference, but I know nothing about the East and actually forgot the Blue Jackets were a team until I had to look up the official list to write this. Onto the goal song, Columbus went with an ACDC standard which I’m never going to be mad about – it’s not particularly original but it’s an absolute classic. Dear reader (hello all one of you), that’s all I was going to say until I was informed that the Blue Jackets have AN ACTUAL CANNON in their home rink which they fire in time with the song. That is so awesome and so in the spirit of ACDC that they’ve completely redeemed themselves.

Detroit Red Wings – Without Me by Eminem

I kind of love this choice for the sole reason that it feels so snarky. Scoring a winning goal and then blasting Eminem must be aural equivalent of rubbing your nuts right in your opponent’s face. Plus, Mr. Minem grew up near Detroit so I’ll award the Red Wings an extra Team Tie-In Bonus Point.

Dallas Stars – Puck Off by Pantera

Alright, it is cool that someone in the Stars organization has enough pull to convince Pantera to write them a goal song (or maybe Pantera are just big Stars fans – still kind of cool). While not from Dallas, Pantera does hail from Texas and you know I appreciate teams using a song from a local band. I can also only assume that Dallas games have more fights in their stands per season than any other team because can you actually listen to a Pantera riff and not want to punch something? This is basically a really good goal song, but not a very good song if you know what I mean.

The Bad

Boston Bruins – Kernkraft 400 by Zombie Nation

I’m not a fan of this one. I listened to the track by itself and wasn’t really getting it so I pulled up a goal highlight to hear some crowd interaction and I now very slightly get it. This is a techno-y song with no actual lyrics, but apparently fans do kind of sing along to the chorus sequence when it gets played live. Overall, it’s not my kind of music and I don’t like it (does a spiteful Vancouverite part of me enjoy that the Bruins have a bad goal song? Maybe).

Colorado Avalanche – Chase the Sun by Planet Funk

An oddly chilled-out vibe for a goal song. I don’t really know how to feel about this one and for that reason I don’t think it’s a great goal song, a really good goal song gets you hyped against your will. 

Florida Panthers – Move Your Body by Ownboss ft. Sevek

I have similar feelings about this song as I do about the Bruins tune of choice. Once again there are no lyrics and it slips even lower in my ranking because it seems like (from the videos I could find) the fans don’t sing along as much. Chantability and crowd involvement feels like one the keys to a good goal song and I’m not seeing that here. It’s also just kind of boring. I know they only play a few seconds per goal so that doesn’t really matter, but the whole song is just one sequence of bleep bloops.

 Minnesota Wild – Shout by The Isley Brothers

This is a weird choice and I respect them for that, but I don’t think it’s the greatest for the purpose on which we judge it today. It’s a reverse Dallas Stars situation because I like this song, but I don’t think it’s good goal song.        

Montreal Canadians – Canadiens Goal Song by Antoine Beck

I have to agree with the Daily Faceoff here and say that if the Habs were going to go with a cheesy made-for-the-team song they really should’ve stuck with the iconic Le But. 

The Boring

Los Angeles Kings – Power Ride by Fred Coury

Nice to see Fred Coury (erstwhile drummer for the hair metal band Cinderella) still getting work- and as you might expect the drumming is pretty good. Otherwise this is about as generic “area music” as you can get, and the lyrics are just “hey hey hey” which while being highly chant-able also does nothing to associate it with the Kings. If you’re going to go with a made-for-the-team song then at least put the name in there.

Calgary Flames – TNT by ACDC

Kind of basic, but I can’t really fault them for a stone-cold classic choice like ACDC. It also isn’t flames exactly but TNT does reference fire and explosions and such so there is a minor team tie-in as well. Nothing can hype a crowd up like an ACDC song so I understand this choice, but it’s not terribly original.

Edmonton Oilers – Fluxland by XL

Sounds like background music for a video game or like you asked an AI to create “music for sportsball”. There’s really not much going on with this one.

Disqualified

Buffalo Sabres – Individual goal songs

Seems like a lot of work to administrate this.

I split the list in half to avoid this post becoming obnoxiously long so stay tuned for part 2!