Illusion Delusions II
Naturally a double album of epic proportions deserves a double post of equally monstrous word count(s). To recap; there is one good album buried under the mountain of garbage on the Illusions and I am determined to find that album. We discussed the merits and drawbacks of every song on Use Your Illusion I last time so today Illusions II is going under the knife and I’ll give my final track listing at the end.
Civil War
PROS:
- It’s a song that’s actually about something other than Axl Rose’s inferiority complex
- The guitar solo is immaculate
- There’s a ton of different vocal tricks on display from Axl here
CONS:
- It’s not exactly Bob Dylan as far as lyrics go
- That last chorus probably isn’t necessary
FINAL VERDICT: KEEP
14 Years
PROS:
- It’s an Izzy song!
- The swangin’ keys are back for the first time on II
- Nice little duet on the chorus
CONS:
- I really like this song, but Yesterdays is a better variation on the theme and the whole point of this exercise is that the record is too fucking long
FINAL VERDICT: TRASH
Yesterdays
PROS:
- It’s a nice, simple little tune about leaving the past behind
- Makes for a good palate-cleanser
- Gets in and out of there in a mere three minutes
CONS:
- Really not much in the way of misfires here aside from putting directly after 14 years in the track listing
FINAL VERDICT: KEEP
Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door
PROS:
- This is a better cover than Live and Let Die
- This version of the song has become so iconic that something about hearing the chorus kick in activates people like sleeper agents and commands to sway back and forth in your cowboy boots
- Incredibly pretty guitar solo
CONS:
- The phone call is possibly a little silly
- Does an album that’s already this long really need a cover?
FINAL VERDICT: KEEP IF YOU REALLY NEED A COVER
Get In The Ring
PROS:
- Extremely high comedic value
- Really solid drums and a guitar and bass tandem that sounds great galloping along over them
- The way Axl yells paiNNN is pure high-camp hilarity
- I cannot overstate to you how funny it is that Mr. Rose actually calls out disagreeable media members by name and affiliated organization
- There is the distinct possibility that the whole thing is a joke and in that case it might be clever
CONS:
- It’s the most juvenile, least pretending-to-be- an-actual-song variant of Axl Fights People
- Im really not trying to be a hater, but the guy looked like he weighed about 90 lbs at the time so who was he actually fighting
- Someone please me what was meant by that “crystal meth and yeast infections” line and why it makes me feel like I need a shower
VERDICT: PLACE IN A TIME CAPSULE TO SHOW ALIENS WHY ROCK MUSIC SUPPOSEDLY DIED IN THE 1990S
Shotgun Blues
PROS:
- It’s not quite as cartoonish as Get In The Ring and is therefore at least mostly a real song
CONS:
- It’s not nearly as funny as Get In The Ring, but is otherwise kind of the same song
- You really don’t need this many songs that are nothing but Axl Rose trying to bait someone into fighting him
- I’ve heard better chirps than “you can suck my ass” in a middle-school gym class
VERDICT: TRASH
Breakdown
PROS:
- The pianos and sweeping guitars almost feel like a callback to November Rain, nice continuity
- I love the sound and style of the verses
CONS:
- I find it hard to take “get down wit yo bad self” seriously
- I hate the sound and style of the choruses
VERDICT: KEEP
Pretty Tied Up
PROS:
- Has an vintage Guns N Roses swagger that feels right off the B-side of AFD
- Solid riff
- Somewhat uniquely for this album it doesn’t overcomplicate anything
- Who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned S&M rock song?
CONS:
- The cool-guy intimidating vibe is really undermined by the fact that it sounds like Axl says “cool ranch dressing” instead of “cool and stressing” (which doesn’t really make a lot of sense anyway)
VERDICT: KEEP
Locomotive
PROS:
- The drums in the intro are awesome
- I like that the riff sounds like a train on the tracks – that’s mildly clever
- If this was a shorter song I would probably love how relentless the overall sound is
CONS:
- I am among the people most willing to defend eight minute songs and this does not deserve to be an eight-minute song
- There are so many words and so little going on in Locomotive
- There aren’t enough changes within the song itself and it starts to get grating, that little switch up near the end should’ve happened earlier
- At the end of the day, Nightrain is the better train-themed GnR track
VERDICT: TRASH
So Fine
PROS:
- This is a pretty little duet between Axl and bassist Duff McKagan and I like highlighting a lesser-celebrated member of this band
- It might be the only actual love song on the entire album
- The build-up into the subsequent fuzz on that solo are immaculate
CONS:
- What on earth does “the sweat I make for you, you know where that comes from” mean
VERDICT: KEEP
Estranged
PROS:
- That main riff that sounds like its spiraling downwards on itself and perfectly matches the theme of the lyrics
- It’s one of the few songs that tracks heavily left to right, which makes it an interesting listen through headphones
- Manages to keep its double-digit runtime interesting with different sections and sounds
- The genuine tenderness and remorse in Axl Rose’s voice, especially in the second half
CONS:
- Pretty much every con previously discussed in the November Rain section: its long, its over the top, its possibly a wee bit pretentious and self-indulgent
VERDICT: KEEP*
You Could Be Mine
PROS:
- The drums and guitar have a fantastically frantic car-chase-through-downtown energy
- Has a little of that old-school GnR sound that much of this record is missing
- I am once again impressed by just how long Mr. Rose can sustain a rant without needing to breathe
CONS:
- It doesn’t quite scale the heights of AFD, but is this was the weak song on the album we wouldn’t be having this conversation
VERDICT: KEEP
Don’t Cry (Alt.)
PROS:
- Everything I said about the original version of the track applies here
CONS:
- This one was just game of pick your favourite lyrics and the OG has a slight edge for me
VERDICT: TRASH
My World
PROS:
- It’s cool that Axl found out about Nine Inch Nails
CONS:
- This one is just embarrassing
VERDICT: DUMPSTER
*I underwent major emotional turmoil trying to decide what to do with the unofficial trilogy of November Rain, Coma, and Estranged. They’ve become so iconic with their multitudes of guitar solos and over-the-top-high-concept music videos – and personally I love the sheer drama of it all. But those suckers are also in the double digits for length and keeping them isn’t really conducive to creating a more manageable record. I elected to keep two of them here, but I don’t love splitting them up either so I think my official recommendation is to release the three of them on their own as a mini-concept album.
Track Listing:
RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO HELL
DUST N BONES
DON’T CRY
YOU AINT THE FIRST
BAD OBSESSION
NOVEMBER RAIN
DEAD HORSE
CIVIL WAR
YESTERDAYS
BREAKDOWN
PRETTY TIED UP
SO FINE
ESTRANGED
YOU COULD BE MINE